After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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