you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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