if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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