mondays should just be called national damage control day
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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