You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
