is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
