i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
