I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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