Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
