my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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