The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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