haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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