I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
