just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
