is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
