shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
