pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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