the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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