One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
