Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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