i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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