why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
