Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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