i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She bit a glass in half.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
