I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
