Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
