My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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