Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
