I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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