I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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