I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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