Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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