it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
