so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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