I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
