I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
