im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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