well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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