Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
