im having a threesome with these popsicles
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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