see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
