I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
