I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
well you can't waste a boner
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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