On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
