I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if only i could text you this smell
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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