I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
