She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
