She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
