He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
