Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
