You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
