why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
