I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
