it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
