Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
