It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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