yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
