You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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