he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
