Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
