you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
smell my finger.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
