All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
